Optimistic or Stupid?

Aloha!

Warm sun, sparkling pool, sandy beaches. Honolulu with a 5-6 week old. Optimistic or stupid? You be the judge.

We'll let you know how it goes when we get back from Hawaii in April. It will no doubt be an adventure. Anyone have any good traveling with an infant stories? Or tips?

Maybe winter is just making us crazy but we couldn't pass up the sweet Hawaii deals and figure if we're giving Makai a Hawaiian name we might as well give him an early taste of Hawaii. Good excuse, right? And maybe it will be motivation to get the baby weight off. :)

It's A Start

Crib assembled, bedding washed and ready for a baby. Well, a little ironing may be needed. Who knew making a crib was so much harder than making a normal size bed. It was a pain. I love the crib though and I have to admit I sometimes wander into the nursery just to stare at it.

So we accomplished one item on our to do list this weekend. We even got the dresser moved into the bedroom and baby clothes washed and put away.

It's a start...

(I apologize for the crappy camera phone pic, I was too lazy to find the real camera)

Ukuleles Everywhere!

The much anticipated (in the Thompson household) ukuleles have finally arrived! Ben and Ricky spent the day getting them all tuned up. I hung around and supervised. Someone has to keep the boys on task. I also got to make the first delivery to a retail store while making our lunch run.

I immediately set one aside for Kai, it's his first toy/musical instrument. I had to grab one before they sell out.

The pallet of ukuleles was not our only exciting delivery today. Kai's crib arrived as well (thanks Dad)!

So after the ukuleles are finally all set up Ben's next task is putting the crib together and then pictures of the nursery in progress to follow.

A lot of fun all around today! Good days and bad days...today was a good day.

Worst. Mom to be. Ever.

I woke up this morning not feeling on top of my game. Kai has had his feet firmly planted in my ribs for the last few weeks, making sleeping, walking, eating and moving in general a bit painful. I'm possibly fighting off the beginning of the cold that Ben's been fighting for a week. The maternity clothes I bought early in my pregnancy are getting so uncomfortable and tight (with 9 weeks left to go) that by the end of the day I would give up limbs in order to have sweatpants on.
This morning I woke up in a bad emotional and physical space. Stuffed up, slight sore throat and exhausted and decided to call in sick for the first time since I got pregnant.
I slept in later than usual and then picked up my blackberry to break the news to my boss. That's when I saw the e-mail from a co-worker requesting meeting coverage for the day because she was home with a sick kid. First meeting at 8:00. It was 6:45 and I have a 45 minute commute to work, not to mention a 10 minute walk from the parking lot to my office. I'm not exactly fast these days.
The quickest shower and blow dry later I throw on some uncomfortable clothes and hit the door knowing I'm barely going to make the 8:00. As I'm backing out of the driveway my gas light starts flashing and I realize I have to stop. Zip into the gas station, pay at the pump broken, run inside in pouring rain to pay. Another 10 minutes behind. I didn't make the 8:00.
I did however finally arrive safely at work for the busiest day ever. Multiple meetings to cover for someone else as well as my own work (plus one shattered water bottle later) and it was 2:00 when I realized I hadn't yet fed or hydrated myself and by extension the baby. Bummed a granola bar from my boss and I hit the door at 4:00 Had my 45 minute commute turn into an hour and a half to due torrential rain. I finally arrived home at 5:30 feeling like I'd failed at life; not taking care of my body and baby, my own duties at work not quite met, a sick, neglected husband at home along with two bored and ignored dogs. I ordered Thai takeout and then started whining to sick Ben about how uncomfortable I am, I hadn't even gotten to the part about feeling like I"m doing a poor job of carrying our baby when Ben's phone rang.
Our dear friend Jesse was calling to see if we were almost to our birthing class. It was 7:00 pm. Birthing class was at 6:30. We forgot about birthing class.
Emotional breakdown ensues. So here I am, at 7:30 pm on a Thursday night, crying over my keyboard and feeling like a failure. Worst. Mom to be. Ever. I have to wonder if I can't manage being pregnant, work, household responsibilities (my house is a pig sty and I haven't cooked a real meal in weeks) and a few miscellaneous commitments, how am I going to manage those same things and being a mom?
I thought writing it down might make me feel better. It didn't. But at least I got to give myself a little pity party.

Best. Daddy. Ever.

So...some gratuitous bragging is happening in this post. Fair warning.

I'm proud of my husband every day but some days more than others. When I saw this blog post, http://www.pdxkidscalendar.com/p/blog-activities-weve-tried.html, today at work. (For some reason the link won't work, if you want to read it you'll have to copy/paste) I was super proud. I didn't think I could be more proud, then I got home...

Ben's fans had presented him with a book (along with some very generous baby gifts) filled with congratulations and notes of support for our growing family. We are constantly amazed and so appreciative of the support we receive from our community. The fact that Ben is able to play music for kids for a living is truly a gift. Ben often says he has the best job in the world (he gets hugs on a daily basis) and I believe it.

Some of the sweet sentiments from the parents and their kids (I hope they don't mind me quoting them here):

"Congratulations Mr. Ben! We all know how wonderful of a papa you are going to be! Thank you being such a creative nurturing spirit in our family and in families all over." -Navae and Matais

"I can't think of anyone more capable or talented for fatherhood...what a very lucky child." -Ayla, Jason & Leigh

"Thank you for being such a consistent source of positivity and musicality for our little man." -Phil, Jamie & Eliot

"Thanks for enriching the lives of our children and leading them to love music. We appreciate all you do..." -Lesley & Calvin

There were so many other kind words. This is a book we will truly treasure. And hopefully I can get a picture of the sweet cover artwork to post at a later time. The drawing of Ben is a perfect likeness, down to the ever present argyle socks.

As we come up on Thanksgiving, I'm so thankful for my husband. Sometimes he eats my ice cream, and fairly regularly he drives me absolutely insane so now is probably a good time to list a few of the many things I appreciate about him.

-he loves me even when I'm being absolutely crazy. No easy feat. I regularly behave crazily.
-he carries things. Actually he carries everything. Some neighborhood friends we often walk dogs with were joking over the weekend that once the baby comes we'll continue our dog walk tradition only Ben will have the dogs clipped to his belt, the baby in a front carrier, a diaper bag back pack on with coffee in one hand and a waffle taco in the other. I will have my coffee in one hand (or in the diaper bag) and my waffle in the other. I'm lazy.
-he'll be the best daddy ever.

Meet Our Midwives

Our wonderful Alma Midwifery team, these are the ladies that will deliver Makai. Melissa (our midwife, next to me) and her assistants/apprentices Katherine and Melanya. And me (looking like I'm being stabbed with a hot poker of course).

These lovely ladies are expertly guiding us through the pregnancy process. We can't say enough kind words about them. They are smart, sweet and funny. Melissa has the most peaceful, calming energy of anyone I've ever met, I'm so happy she'll be overseeing Kai's birth (if all goes as planned).

We're planning a natural birth at the Alma Midwifery Birthing Center. We considered home birth but honestly I like to be pampered and the birthing center feels a little bit like a spa. Massages and menus from local restaurants to order from, that's what I'm talking about...

That's not to say that I don't occasionally panic about the "natural" part. I do. Especially lately but I try to remind myself that women used to do this in caves. By themselves. I think. I don't actually have any scientific evidence to back that up but it must have happend. Right? I guess the point is, I can do this. Women do it all the time and it is "natural".

So, if all goes accoring to plan, it's a natural childbirth for us. We are of course staying open to the fact that things can go wrong and we may have to transfer to hospital care but we're staying positive for now.

Either way, it's gonna be awesome!

28 Weeks

In my next "bump photo" I'm really going to try to smile without looking like someone is just out of the picture jabbing me with a sharp object. I do find the baby bump pictures to be painful, I don't enjoy the fact that there will be photographic evidence that I was the size of a house.

I can't believe we're already 28 weeks in! I've been feeling Kai moving since about 23 weeks but it's just been in the last week or so that Ben can really feel the kicks instead of the light fluttering that he thought he felt a few weeks ago. There's no mistaking it now. We had our first experience with hiccups about a week ago when I was jolted awake at 4 AM by kicks, punches and convulsions which seem to be coming from every part of my stomach. It lasted only 5 minutes or so but it definitely gave me the giggles.

Not much else to report. Our monthly visits with the midwives have been going well and we're really starting to bond with our team which is exciting. We start going to appointments every 2 weeks now which I guess means we're getting close.

Birthing classes start in December and Ben and I are both looking forward to them. As my thoughts begin to shift towards what's coming instead of what's happening right now I find myself more and more anxious. I'm hoping the birthing classes will answer some of our questions and ease fears a little bit.

I've been a blog slacker of late but I had a month of feeling relatively normal and there's so much to do that blogging kind of slipped way down the list.

I do have a bunch of half finished posts in my drafts folder which I'll be getting to this week so look for lots of updates coming in the next few days.

Ice Cream = happiness

The Ruby Jewel Scoopshop, also in my opinion the best ice cream shop in Portland, can be directly credited with getting me through my 4th and most likely the 5th-9th months of pregnancy.
I love them dearly for their delicious ice cream but tonight they nearly caused the complete destruction of my marriage.
Let me take you back to noon today. I was at work thinking about what I wanted to eat for lunch, I was hungry. Really hungry. Specifically, I was hungry for the pint of Ruby Jewel Maple Pecan ice cream I remembered was sitting in my freezer at home.
Thankfully, we had an appointment with our midwife at 2:00 so I'd be leaving work early. I knew that ice cream would be waiting for me at home after our appointment.

Truthfully, happiness isn't actually ice cream as the title of this blog suggests. Happiness is hearing Kai's heart beat through the doppler every month (but ice cream runs a close second). It makes me cry every time, the heartbeat not the ice cream.
So I head home from the appointment in a great mood and still thinking about my ice cream. (If you think I'm exaggerating my best friend will be happy to testify that I sent her an IM about how much I was looking forward to the ice cream around noon).
So, home after the appointment, a quick 30 minute nap, a walk with the dogs, 2 pieces of lasagne for dinner and I head for the freezer. I open the door and as the freezer vapor clears I reach in for my ice cream and...nothing. Nothing!? I look closer. No ice cream in sight.
Of course I knew what happened but I turn to Ben who's typing away on the laptop in the living room and in the calmest voice I can manage ask "Did you eat all the ice cream?"
Ben, "yes."
Me, "Yours and mine?"
Ben, "yes."
Me (with increasing hysteria in my voice) "Two pints?! You ate two points of ice cream? You didn't save me any? I've been looking forward to ice cream all day!"
Ben, "sorry." (Not actually sounding sorry at all.)
Now I realize it's just ice cream but come on... you don't come between a pregnant lady and her ice cream. Especially considering when I bought the pint for myself I bought him his own special pint of vegan pineapple coconut sorbet. And he'd eaten both pints!
To my credit I pulled it together. Barely. I pulled it together enough to say to Ben through gritted teeeth, "As soon as your last lesson is over tonight and before Glee you are taking me to Ruby Jewel for ice cream." I resisted the urge to punch him.

I ended up taking myself to Ruby Jewel (too antsy t0 wait for Ben to finish work) with every intention of ordering the biggest ice cream sundae in the place. I ended up with just a scoop of cinnamon ice cream with dulce de leche sauce. And honey lavender ice cream on lemon cookies for Ben. Here's a picture of my happiness: it may not look like much but it tasted like perfection.

In a Word: Midwives

Did anyone else hear Renee Montagne's report on midwives in Afghanistan on Morning Edition?

It's a moving story about a US organization training Afghan women to be midwives in order to reduce the infant and mother mortality rate in rural provinces in their country. 1 in 5 babies and 1 in 3 mothers die in childbirth in these rural provinces. These are women who typically wouldn't be allowed to work outside of the home but are being supported and chosen by their elders and villages to get the training needed to serve mothers in their communities.

"These women are like guardian angels for infants and mothers," says Zafaran Natiqi, head of women's affairs in Badakhshan.

We don't hear a lot of good news coming out of Afghanistan these days, especially for women and that alone makes this story worth taking time out for. Listen to it here.

It's a boy!

It's a boy! The labeling of the ultrasound gives us that impression anyway.

We had our ultrasound last Friday at noon. We had decided not to find out the sex of the baby in the office but had the doctor seal it up for us so we could open it at dinner. Ben had a lesson at until 6:30 which meant we didn't even leave for dinner until 7:00. The suspense almost killed me. We had a good laugh when we finally got to open the envelope and saw the labeling. We were expecting, "boy" or "male" but instead there it was in black and white. Penis.

While Ben and I were both hoping for a girl, for no particular reason, we both seemed to know it was a boy. We're unbelievably excited and now that we know it's a boy, it just feels right.

It turns out I'm possibly a week further along than initially thought so our due date has been bumped forward a few days to February 12th. Now we're just counting down the days until we get to meet him.

Is it a boy? Or a girl?

Our gender ultrasound is scheduled for this Friday at 11:45 AM. We cannot wait to finally have a gender for "the bean". The last time we saw the baby, at 7 weeks, it really looked just like a bean. I imagine it actually looks like a baby now.
Ben and I decided that we don't want the doctor to tell us the gender at the ultrasound. Getting the news in the office seemed a little anticlimactic. So, stealing this idea from some friends, the plan is to have the doctor write it down and seal it up for us. We're going to go out on a date Friday night and open it there.
Keep your fingers (and toes) crossed that the baby will be cooperating. If all goes as planned we'll make the announcement on Friday evening. Right now, I'm feeling like it's probably a boy.
Stay tuned...

Sweet Video

Probably the sweetest thing I've seen this year. Now I just have to stop watching videos like this at work. The sniffling coming from my desk is probably not very professional.

Baby Obsessed

--the picture with this post is my first official baby bump photo. 18 weeks and counting. That is one big belly but as Ben says, a good 8 oz of that is baby. The rest is the 3 bowls of apple squash soup and 2 vegan rice krispy treats I had for dinner.

I am, as indicated by the post title, baby obsessed. More specifically obsessed with MY baby not just babies in general. I think about the baby all the time. I kept this to myself for a while and finally broke down and told Ben last week. I hadn't mentioned it to anyone and it was driving me crazy. I was worried that my obsession might not be normal.
The all consuming baby thoughts make it nearly impossible to focus at work. I'd find myself zoned out at work; staring at the wall, glazed over eyes. If this happened at my desk but not the end of the world. Then it started happening in meetings. Meetings I really should be paying attention in.
One moment I'm running a presentation and the next minute I'm in baby land. Glazed over. My train of thought something like this:
Did I just feel the baby? No, it was probably gas. It didn't feel like gas though. It must have been the baby. Oh my god! I think I just felt the baby. There it is again! Oh, that's definitely gas. No, definitely baby. No, gas. No, baby. I should call someone and ask. But who? This isn't really important enough to bug the midwife with. Gas or baby? Maybe I can find something in one of books.
"Erin, Erin" my co-worker is nudging me in the side. "Can we go back one slide, please?"
Oops. No idea how long people have been trying to get my attention while I agonized over baby or gas bubbles.
Or there was the meeting a few weeks ago, equally as bad if not worse.
The one sided conversation I was having in my mind then: I feel really good this week. I wonder if anyone will ask me how I'm feeling. I wish someone would ask. That would give me an excuse to talk about the baby without just throwing it into a conversation at random. I wonder if I've been annoying people with how much I talk about the baby?
Someone breaks into my thoughts "Erin, what do you think? Will that work for you?"
Me, mouth opening and closing like a fish, making no sound but still thinking "He's asking about the baby, right?"
Must focus on work.
I've been reading a lot of pregnancy books, they all talk about the best way to present your pregnancy to your office, especially if you plan on being a working mom. Which I do. So, the books say to make sure to stay focused and work even more efficiently than normal. This is especially hard in an office that is 95% male. While I love my work family, sensitivity isn't really their thing. As evidenced by the fact that when a co-worker found out I was pregnant he said "Oh good. I figured it was either that or you had really let yourself go." Kicking him in the shin was my gut reaction. I pulled it together just in time. There would have been witnesses and I really don't want to get fired. He was lucky to walk away from that one unscathed.
My question is: How does any first time mom accomplish this? Is it just me or are all moms to be as obsessed with their babies as I am?

We're pregnant...and happy?

As anyone reading this blog likely knows, we're pregnant! We found we were expecting exactly one day after our first wedding anniversary on June 14th. If only I'd been paying attention I could have given Ben the exciting news on our wedding anniversary but, I wasn't. Paying attention that is.
The news came with great excitement and anticipation. I've never been a sickly person, I don't often get sick and when I do I tend to power through. Honestly, I find sick people incredibly irritating. Obviously I mean people with general aches and pains, colds and the flu. Not the truly ill. I just could never wrap my head around the idea of lying around and whining when not feeling well. So you have a cold? Get up and move around, trust me it will help. Lying around doesn't make ME feel any better when I'm sick so I can't fathom why anyone else would behave that way. That's not to say that I don't get the occasional flu that knocks me off my feet for a week. I do, but only every couple of years or so.
So, that said I thought pregnancy would be a breeze. I wasn't going to be sick or achy. I was going to keep my same routine, running, working, cooking, sewing without breaking stride. I was going to be a superhero pregnant lady. Things didn't quite turn out how I thought...
Let's just say my running shoes haven't seen any action since a half marathon at 7 weeks pregnant that nearly killed me and my sewing machine hasn't fared much better. Take-out pizza, Thai food or soup from a can are the norm for dinner these days.
I work, I nap, I occasionally get the dogs and myself out for a walk but mostly I have morning sickness, total exhaustion, heartburn, general abdominal pains, even bloody noses. I've had every symptom listed in my pregnancy books. Maybe I should stop reading those books. Might be the power of suggestion. I think I might be the most miserable pregnant person ever. At 8 weeks I was telling Ben "never again". Which I guess is a good thing since we decided a long time ago that one kid was it for us anyway. But that's the simple truth. Never again. I enjoy being able to bend over, sleep on my belly, run 5 miles, eat soft cheeses, have a glass of wine with dinner and drink multiple cups of coffee a day.
Every time a mom tells me how much she loved being pregnant I want to punch her. Maybe she really did love it, I'm sure there are moms who do have nice easy pregnancies, or masochistic moms who enjoy the misery, or maybe, like they say, she's just forgotten how miserable she was. The moms all tell me that too, that I won't remember. I won't remember the pain of childbirth (we're going the natural route) because of the adrenaline and euphoria that comes after. I don't believe them.
I know I will love my baby, when I hear that heartbeat in the doctors office I cry with joy every time. I know when I finally meet our little girl or boy I'll remember the misery of pregnancy and the pain of childbirth and it will all have been worth it. But that doesn't change the fact: Never again.