I woke up this morning not feeling on top of my game. Kai has had his feet firmly planted in my ribs for the last few weeks, making sleeping, walking, eating and moving in general a bit painful. I'm possibly fighting off the beginning of the cold that Ben's been fighting for a week. The maternity clothes I bought early in my pregnancy are getting so uncomfortable and tight (with 9 weeks left to go) that by the end of the day I would give up limbs in order to have sweatpants on.
This morning I woke up in a bad emotional and physical space. Stuffed up, slight sore throat and exhausted and decided to call in sick for the first time since I got pregnant.
I slept in later than usual and then picked up my blackberry to break the news to my boss. That's when I saw the e-mail from a co-worker requesting meeting coverage for the day because she was home with a sick kid. First meeting at 8:00. It was 6:45 and I have a 45 minute commute to work, not to mention a 10 minute walk from the parking lot to my office. I'm not exactly fast these days.
The quickest shower and blow dry later I throw on some uncomfortable clothes and hit the door knowing I'm barely going to make the 8:00. As I'm backing out of the driveway my gas light starts flashing and I realize I have to stop. Zip into the gas station, pay at the pump broken, run inside in pouring rain to pay. Another 10 minutes behind. I didn't make the 8:00.
I did however finally arrive safely at work for the busiest day ever. Multiple meetings to cover for someone else as well as my own work (plus one shattered water bottle later) and it was 2:00 when I realized I hadn't yet fed or hydrated myself and by extension the baby. Bummed a granola bar from my boss and I hit the door at 4:00 Had my 45 minute commute turn into an hour and a half to due torrential rain. I finally arrived home at 5:30 feeling like I'd failed at life; not taking care of my body and baby, my own duties at work not quite met, a sick, neglected husband at home along with two bored and ignored dogs. I ordered Thai takeout and then started whining to sick Ben about how uncomfortable I am, I hadn't even gotten to the part about feeling like I"m doing a poor job of carrying our baby when Ben's phone rang.
Our dear friend Jesse was calling to see if we were almost to our birthing class. It was 7:00 pm. Birthing class was at 6:30. We forgot about birthing class.
Emotional breakdown ensues. So here I am, at 7:30 pm on a Thursday night, crying over my keyboard and feeling like a failure. Worst. Mom to be. Ever. I have to wonder if I can't manage being pregnant, work, household responsibilities (my house is a pig sty and I haven't cooked a real meal in weeks) and a few miscellaneous commitments, how am I going to manage those same things and being a mom?
I thought writing it down might make me feel better. It didn't. But at least I got to give myself a little pity party.
